Big dose of humility

                                              

Oh man, a struggling mom.

I feel like that has been me.

And probably every other mom too.

But this past couple weeks I have been in a major funk. Not just in mommy terms, but just with myself. All of me. My weight, my daily habits, my behavior as a mom, my exhaustion, all leading to a mind that is losing pride in who I am. 

I know they aren't all true, but its hard to fight the negative thoughts sometimes, especially when you feel like all you get to be is negative some days. Like as stay at home mom and home school mom, I am "do this, do that, stop this, stop that" mom. I get to be bad cop, LIKE ALL THE TIME. At least that's how it feels, and when you feel like the bad guy all the time, you just start to feel bad. 

More bad thoughts seep in that have nothing to even do with parenting, but being mom is mostly what I am. So I started there. I starting see the problems and at first you think "Gosh why are my kids like this?" then you go "well, crap, that's on me." then you feel worse. 

Then you take a GIANT DOSE of humility and pick yourself up and go "How do I fix it?" 

What was I doing wrong to begin with? What can I change about MYSELF for THEM?

Probably too much yelling?

Probably too much phone time?

 Probably too much nagging and not enough uplifting? 

Probably not following through with things I said I would do? 

Probably allowing too many electronics in their world? 

Probably not enough time spent WITH them, not just homeschooling, or chauffeur to speech and occupation therapy, the store, the library, but WITH THEM? 

You know, probably all of these things???? You notice the FAILING part.

So I am starting with my parenting fails, to help change them succeed. Well us, I have talked to my husband about the things I get to notice everyday and how bad they are. But since I am primarily the one home, most of this falls on me. He just backs whatever I say because he is a clever man.

So what have I started to do? 

I have started to put my phone down more when with them, except to take pictures and videos, because if you know me at all, you know I need those.

I am trying to catch my yelling before it starts and only use it when it seems necessary. Some may say never, but I say sometimes it's needed. That's just me. I am also trying to catch how they speak to each other, and hope my example of doing better will help them do better.

 I am trying to remember to praise their good behavior or accomplishments and not just nag at what they keep doing wrong, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I told them how to do it right (cause you, that happens, A LOT). Also hoping this helps them find their kind words better.

Following through. I finally scheduled that play date that was long over due. You know with friends you promised they would make after moving them to a whole new state, and then promised to help them know better by doing play dates. You know, the one you promised when you pulled her out of school to home school? Yeah those friends and play dates. IT FINALLY DID IT! and it if felt good. Hearing their laughter, squeals (LOUD SQUEALS), and seeing their smiles was more than over due. Now to start actually getting camping supplies and a family fund jar made for the camping trip we decided to work towards as a family. 

I am working on the be WITH THEM more. On the floor, board games, working on stretching, dance stuff, whatever floats their boat. We are going to start reading the Harry Potter series together, I have never fully read them. As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE the movies, I could never get into the books. But for them, I am doing it. Not all the time, because I also want them to learn how to entertain themselves as well. I mean it's why I keep having more, they have built in play buddies. (kidding, don't be so serious)

The big issue I have picked up on is the "importance" to them of the electronics and the fact that they get "bored" and have no idea what to do the moment I say "get up and go play".  We have slowly taken things back for some time, like no games on Sunday morning, and limiting game/tablet time, but still it seems to still be a problem. They cry when they can't watch another show, play more games, or goodness forbid, have to stop playing to do school work. Its made me angry, cry and upset with them, until I realized, we let it get this bad. Our plan is next Monday, nothing at all for anyone. Then we will have a Family Home Evening (for those who don't know, that's a Mormon family night thing, typically done on monday nights with a lesson supported by scripture and/or the Prophets and leaders of the church). Over the weekend my husband and I will go over what we think is ok daily and then start applying it on Tuesday. I truly think this is the biggest culprit for the attitudes, whining, laziness and over all misbehavior.

I also plan on working on consistent chores, I have them do them, but not on a consistent basis. They need some work ethic added in their lives. Too bad we don't live on a farm already.

Charts will probably be made, fits will probably be had. I will probably want the t.v. back on for sanity, but not give in. 

I have already started to feel a bit better as a mom with the things I have been working on. I truly think the electronics one will be the biggest and best change this home needs and I can't wait.

Will everyday be perfect? no. Will I still fail? Absolutely. What I am hoping this will teach me for the next around, is that I can always scratch that and start over. I mean heck, isn't that one of the biggest things we learn from our Savior and the Atonement. That we can "scratch that, start over"???

So there you have it, I will just leave you with that verse and my big dose of humility that I am sharing with you. Don't be afraid to take your own if there is somewhere in your life that could use it. Let's face it, there probably is, sorry, not sorry.